I can't live like this anymore.11:20 AM
Have you ever said that to yourself?
"I can't live like this anymore."
Life seems to be taking me limb by limb, second by second to the next thing, the next event, the next activity. And soon I begin to realize that life is pulling me away and I don't even feel as if I'm living it. I'm just doing these things because people expect me to. I realize that I don't even like doing half of it. Why am I living this way?
I begin to question what it even means to be living. I ask myself this nearly every day. It never occurred to me that one person's way of living life to the fullest could be different than another. I always pictured "life to the fullest" as someone who is always having fun, always going out, always with friends, always happy, always something.
But life isn't like that for everyone, and it doesn't make the value of your life any less if it's not. For one, different people enjoy different things. If I were always with people, or always partying, I would be miserable. To me, living life to the fullest means spending it with people that I love; talking to God every day and focusing my inner center on Him; reading until my eyes feel dry; writing a blog post on a Wednesday night; calling my mom when I need her; volunteering to hangout with people who just want to feel loved and accepted; being able to cry with someone; creating a killer lesson plan; or laughing with my boyfriend about how ridiculous the girl at the table next to us sounds. Sometimes, it means doing absolutely nothing; just listening to the sounds around me- my housemates downstairs, the train passing by, and occasionally (at the best moments), absolutely nothing.
Life doesn't determine what's good, or what's full. You do. And if you're me, God does.
God creates a blank canvas for your life each and every day. He commands the sun to rise and fall, the stars to shine and he asks you to live by His word. Not Sarah's word, or Emily's word, or John's word, or Charlie's. Don't conform to the pattern of this world, he says. Be yourself, he says. Use your gifts to make this world a better place. Not someone else's gifts.
Don't let someone else's definition of "fullest" take you to places where you're uncomfortable. I promise you, you will begin to utter, "I can't do this anymore."
The words will haunt you each and every day, and if you're like me, you'll lose sight of what really matters.
And when you can no longer do it, slow down and look back to God; he will tell you that it's okay. It's okay that you can't handle the job, the classes, the sport, the club, the society, the organization, etc. It's okay, he says, because he's right there with you. And what you're apart of makes no difference. It doesn't change your heart. And just like that, you will know what matters again.
More and more you should be able to say, "I can do this."
Create your own version of "fullest" and model it after your beliefs and your likings. Follow it forever, and you will never regret the way that you live your life.